Category Archives: Tillsonburg Psychotherapy

Your guide to Breaking Someone

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Your Guide to Breaking Someone

A step by step guide to giving someone a mental illness

By: Angela Englander November 1, 2019

People have been doing a lot of talking about how to help people through mental illness. They’re talking about what it takes to heal, what is the best treatment, what pills to prescribe etc. They’re thinking too far ahead though, the trick is to begin at the beginning. Let’s start talking when the initial injury began so we can truly understand how to heal someone, instead of disguising the symptoms or undermining the experience.

1)The first step is to expose them to an incredibly overwhelming, confusing, shocking event. This event has to lead to at least a slight feeling of powerlessness. The results of this first step are enhanced when you add extra events. For best results expose them to weekly, or even daily traumatic events. Bonus points if some of the events began before puberty.

2) The second step is that everyone in their day to day life needs to act as if the events in the first step didn’t happen or don’t exist. People need to carry on as normal, do mundane activities like clean the house and take children to school, and act as seemingly “normal” as possible. The effects are enhanced if people closest to the person says “you’re over reaction” or “you’re just acting crazy” or otherwise minimizes the impact of the experience. Bonus points if you start creating distance from that person, acting as if they’re contagious or excluding them from social events.

3)The third step is to ensure people know that they cannot act in any way different from everyone else in society. Make sure this person knows that the larger group frowns upon any sort of social or behavioural change. To enhance the effects make jokes, humorous remarks and publicly humiliate people who act outside of what the larger collective has deemed as normal. Bonus points for creating derogatory terms for the experiences people are having as a result of the first two steps.

4) The fourth step is to create some sort of conditioned response. You’ve thoroughly laid the ground work in the first three steps. You’ve created the collective social expectations, ensured only a small group are exposed to the events, created internal duality as the person struggles to balance both the events and the results of those events with the normality of the world around them and threatened to punish them if they let on things aren’t quite what the larger collective wants them to be. You’re ready for one of the most critical, important things you can do. You need to have a stimuli and then you need to condition in some sort of emotional and behavioural response. If the stimuli involves more than one sense, even better. Some popular ones could include door slamming, a siren, a yell, flashing lights, a honk or a buzzer. Adding vibrations goes a long way also. Now to have the perfect response. An emotional and behavioural response will lead to the best results. The more intense the emotion, the better. Excitement and terror feel very similar to the body so these ones lead to the most long lasting results. Then for the behaviour, anything that involves running, rushing, or leaving the present location is perfect. Bonus points if there’s an environmental response also, such as multiple people rushing.

5) The final step is consistency. The longer the individual experiences these steps, the more dedication behind the steps and the more serious the impact, the more lasting the results. If you continue these steps for at least a year, many years if possible, or even someone’s entire lifetime, you can guarantee results!

There you are, your guide to breaking someone. Of course I don’t want people to actually follow these steps with in the attempt to break someone. Just a little awareness about what people in your family, life and community may be experiencing. Bring a little compassion in, after all, it really isn’t hard to break someone. It just takes five easy to follow steps.break someone

Why I’m so Happy

blessedBy: Angela Englander
March 6, 2019
People often ask why I’m so happy… Here’s my secret:
 
Each day I wake up on this side of the ground and I am thankful I have been gifted with another day.
 
I turn over to see someone I love deeply sleeping beside me and I feel very blessed.
 
I go downstairs and open a fridge with food inside and I’m able to take deep breaths with lungs that work and nourish a body that is receptive and working in partnership with my mind. I appreciate the privileges I have both within myself and in my surroundings and I feel so honored.
 
I fill up my day with conversations with the most amazing people who are working their butts off to heal and take back their lives. I am amazed and inspired by their courage to heal and take their lives back. I am honored they chose me to be on their healing journey with them.
 
On my dinner break I’m able to text and call and talk to friends, family and my partner who love me and care for me.
 
I work long days and I always feel like it is a miracle when I have made it home safely after my long drive.
 
Hundreds of times I take a deep breath and feel so grateful, so appreciative, so blessed. Not a moment goes by where I take these things for granted because each day, for many years I’ve seen these things taken from people. I’ve seen everything that could possibly be lost, be lost. I’ve seen the great tragedies of life, but they are not my tragedies…
 
So what’s my secret? I can appreciate the things others take for granted and overlook and assume will be there tomorrow. I know there is no guarantee.

I’ve Been in the Mental Health System for Years, Why am I not Getting Better?

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I’ve Been in the Mental Health System for Years, Why am I Not Getting Better?

The unfortunate reality of our mental health system is that most people who get into the system, stay in the system. Intense symptoms and challenges and unbearable thoughts bring most people in. Life may feel as though it’s crumbling around you, as though the life you once had or the life you wanted to have are just distant memories and day dreams. It doesn’t have to stay that way though.

QM0815-FT6-manC-p21)The focus has been on surface level symptoms, not the root cause of the struggles

While the symptoms are what brought you to the mental health system in the first place, they are just the messages and signals your brain and body is using to communicate with you. Symptoms don’t appear out of thin air, they happen for a reason. If your treatment has been focused on managing the symptoms, supressing the symptoms, or getting rid of the symptoms, your healing will be as surface level as your treatment. From my experience, once you get to the root cause and begin to understand why those symptoms are there, that is when the deeper change and healing can begin.

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2)The root cause for your struggles hasn’t changed

It only makes sense that your body and brain would keep sending you the same message over and over if it’s needs are never met. Blood sugar changes, hormonal changes, food allergies and intolerances, illnesses and diseases, traumatic experiences, being unsafe and side effects of medications all can cause symptoms that resemble mental illness. When you begin to take a step back and see the patterns and when the symptoms arise the story you begin to see will be very different from what you saw prior. Once you can see when the most intense symptoms are happening and what has led to them, real and lasting changes can start to take shape.

Set+Yourself+Free+24x243)You are stuck in the system

The unfortunate reality is our system is not designed to cure people or make them fully better, it is designed to manage their symptoms. Ask most doctors, psychiatrists, neurologists or other people working in the mental health system and they will tell you that for the rest of your life you will be living this way, battling these symptoms and struggling with the mental illness(s) you’ve been diagnosed with. It isn’t their fault, they are funding by pharmaceutical companies and trained to prescribe lifelong medications to incurable people. They are just doing what they know and understand. I’ve met next to no people who did make a full recovery simply from being in the medical system. In order to heal you need to be able to step outside the system and access the care of people who know recovery is possible because they have seen it and believe in it. The perspective, beliefs, and expectations of your support people is going to make a huge difference in what path your life is on and where you mental health journey is taking you.

hope4)You have lost hope

The most unfortunate thing is that for most people they lost hope for themselves. The doctor or psychiatrist (the head of their health team) has told them they will be sick forever, they will be on medications forever and this is their new normal. The psychiatrist may have told them they will never finish school, never have a healthy relationship, they will never go back to work and that their life will be managing their mental illness. It’s a pretty grim and dark thing to say to someone who is already struggling so much. It only makes sense that when offered the choice of the intense pain and suffering they are experiencing or ending it all, many people turn to suicide. Life with intense mental illness symptoms can feel like a life that is not worth living. That is why it’s so important to have a professional in your life that can hold onto the hope for you until you are able to hold onto some hope for yourself. If the choice is between losing hope and risking your life in the free system or investing in a therapist who will help you regain hope and rebuild your life, the decision really is simple. If you die, the money won’t matter anyways. There is no price tag that can be put on your life.

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If there is one thing I’ve learned over the past two decades volunteering, working and studying in the mental health system, it’s that healing is possible. I’ve seen people heal and regain their quality of life after countless diagnosis and so many years of suffering. From people who have just had a traumatic experience and gets help quickly to heal quickly, to children who are able to lessen learning challenges and ADHD symptoms, to people who have numerous diagnosis but forge a healing plan and high quality of life anyways, to those who dedicate a year or more to ensuring they understand their symptoms and needs and hear their body and brains communication so they can meet the requests, anything is possible. Miracles happen, people heal. It isn’t the popular message people get, but I know it’s true because I’ve seen countless clients do it, and I’ve done it myself.

If you have any questions or would like to book a session with a skilled therapist who believes in healing. Please contact angela@waystowellbeing.ca Happy Healing!