Monthly Archives: August 2015

Making Good Decisions

016

Making Good Decisions

By: Angela Englander      August 20, 2015

In order for someone to make a good decision they need to incorporate both logical information and emotional information. This means knowing what emotions we are feeling, what emotions come up when making this decision, and how the outcome of the decision will affect us, and what factors are contributing to the decision. You can use the pro’s and con’s chart http://waystowellbeing.ca/pros-and-cons-of-living-the-life-you-want/ to help you figure out the logical factors contributing to the decision and the emotions chart and primary and secondary emotions sheet to help you figure out what emotions you may be experiencing at this link http://waystowellbeing.ca/links-resources/  The following chart can be used to help you figure out what the best decision to make in any circumstance is.

 

Emotion Facts Best Decision
     

 

 

 

An example of making a decision through using this chart may look like the following:

I am trying to decide whether to go on a second date with a person I just met. This decision has been confusing and frustrating so I’m going to make an emotions chart to help me figure out whether I should go on the date or not.

Emotion Facts Best Decision
I felt anxious on the first date

We laughed and the discussion made me feel relaxed

I am scared that person will not like me

 

 

I am scared of getting hurt

 

 

 

 

I am scared of getting too close or being rejected

Many people feel anxious on a first date

 

Walking ca calm the nervous system but the conversation making me happy means that we connected in way

 

Many people are worried about this when they are getting to know someone new

 

If you don’t take a risk you will never know what could happen both positively and negatively

 

A second date doesn’t guarantee a relationship so having a second date can be part of taking things slow

After considering my emotions and thoughts and the facts about my emotions and thoughts it makes sense that I would agree to go on a second date with this person.

 

I will contact this person tomorrow and tell them I would like to see them again or agree to go out with them if they call and ask me.

 

Through using this chart I was able to decide to go on a second date with someone and feel calm and confident in my decision because I know that I’m not being impulsive. I also know that is it the healthiest decision for me when I’ve considered all things so I won’t feel regret or make impulsive choices.

 

Using this chart will help you make happier and healthier decisions that are in line with your morals and values. This will also help decrease impulsivity over the long-term allowing you to make good short-term and long-term decisions. As always if you have any questions please contact me angela@waystowellbeing.ca and I look forward to hearing from you!

Dysregulation After Trauma

Dysregulation after Trauma

By: Angela Englander      August 3, 2015

After traumatic experiences people often find themselves having to cope with a variety of struggles. At times the struggles they are experiencing do not seem to relate directly to the trauma yet may result because of an inability to regulate emotions and/or behaviours. Regulation is a term used to describe a balance between extremes. On one hand a person may over do something and on the other they may be under doing it. A person may also swing from one extreme to the other when they are unable to balance and regulate themselves. The following is a list of common over or under regulated experiences.

Too Much Control

Too Little Control

Numb emotions

Overwhelming emotions

Withdrawal from socializing

Constantly needing attention

Sleeping all day

Insomnia

Depression

Anxiety

Inability to relax

Reckless behaviour

Ruminating thoughts

Inability to focus or concentrate

Obsessive planning

Procrastination

Sexual avoidance

Sex addiction

Always saying “no”

Always saying “yes”

Passive

Aggressive

Being abused

Abusing someone

Obsessions and compulsions

Dissociation and avoidance

Fear of spending money

Compulsive shopping

Fear of intimacy

Codependent relationship

Not having relationships

Getting involved too quickly

Avoiding social situations

Constantly needing attention

Distrust and paranoia

Being open with everyone

Ending relationships quickly

Staying in unhealthy relationships

Hoarding

Destroying and damaging possessions

Being suspicious of others

Being around unsafe people

Flat emotions

Intense emotions

A variety of skills can be used to help balance out extremes, some of these skills involve challenging black and white thinking, challenging false beliefs, and considering opposites that can both be true. By training your brain to think in a more inclusive way you can learn to have a healthier and more balanced life. To find a worksheet on learning how opposite things can both be true check out http://waystowellbeing.ca/opposites-that-can-both-be-true/ . To work on challenging unhealthy beliefs check out http://waystowellbeing.ca/whats-keeping-you-from-living-the-life-you-deserve/ . As always, feel free to e-mail me angela@waystowellbeing.ca .

 

Have a wonderful day and continue on your healing journey!